Roane State Community College

November 8, 2024

Congratulations to Elijah Roberts, winner of Roane State's 2024 First Generation College Student Essay Contest.

Each year, the Student Engagement Office holds the "I'm First" essay contest, asking students to speak to their experiences as the first person in their family to attend college. The winner is announced as part of the National First Generation College Student Day celebration.

Read the full text of Elijah's winning essay below. As always, thank you to everyone who entered the contest as well as the faculty members who volunteered their time to judge the entries.

"I’m First" Essay, by Elijah Roberts

My name is Elijah Roberts. I am a 16-year-old first generation college student. I am also a Middle College student. The only other person in my family to go to college is my uncle. My father is not present in my life, and I am unaware of his location. I live alone with my mom. She is intellectually disabled. What being a first-generation college student means to me is struggle.

In many ways, I am more my mother’s caretaker than she is mine. I grew up on food stamps and disability checks. As a child I had to help my mother manage our limited finances. I had to help my mother apply for her disability check. On one occasion, I had to tell her to stop buying me excessive toys because we could not afford it. She started crying. My mother has alcohol fetal syndrome and lower function autism spectrum disorder. She had an IQ of 71. She does not work. She becomes easily overwhelmed. When this happens, it becomes my responsibility to mediate her panic attacks. I must hold her hands and tell her to breathe with me. I do not receive the same comfort when I experience intense emotions. She is incapable of managing pressure.

From a young age, I have had more responsibility compared to my peers. I have seen my friends fail to cook the simplest of meals: eggs, a grilled cheese, preparing raw chicken. These meals are things I had learned to cook in elementary school. By 13, I had taught myself how to make homemade fried chicken and casseroles alone. I often wonder how many meals I have prepared for myself over the course of my life compared to others my age. I hear those my age complain about being nagged to do chores. I envy them. A reminder would be nice. My mom doesn’t want to make me do anything because she doesn’t want to be “the bad guy,” yet she will not do it herself. I started Middle College with the mindset that, if anyone could handle adult responsibilities, it would be me.

My position means that I’ve surprised myself. Prior to starting my plethora of mental health medications, I found it impossible to brush my teeth regularly, to shower, to feed myself, to keep up with the rapid pace of life. I have never had a responsible adult to come home to. I have never had pre-prepared lunches. In middle school, I was in remedial math classes. I almost failed the 5th grade. This was due to lack of motivation more than genuine difficulty learning. When consequences started catching up to me, I realized I did not want to grow up to live like the people in my family. I wanted more from my future, so I started pushing myself. One might ask why I choose to add Middle College to my plate. My mentality was that “I know I can do it academically and what would be the point in trying to salvage what is left of my childhood?” I want to get my doctorate in psychology and practice as a clinical psychologist. With Middle College, I get to skip 2 years of high school. That seems like a sweet deal to me. Not only have I been passionate about the subject since I started therapy at four years old, but the paycheck is alluring. Financial stability would be nice. An 100k salary by 30 sounds even nicer. It sounds relaxing. Being a first-generation and a Middle College student and is a means of achieving an easier life.

Being a first-generation college student, especially at 16, means that many people are proud of me. Most of all, my mom. My extended family members cannot tell me enough how mature I am for my age. I resent being told that. I wish someone else would have been there to take something off my plate, but no one wanted to deal with my mom. My mom tells me she is proud of me every day. She tells me that I am her lifeline; that she does not know what she would do without me. I will live with my mom for the rest of her life. It is not a choice to me. Her quality of life would not be sufficient if she lived alone. She has no one else. I never wanted to be a caretaker, yet I am. I never want kids. I feel I have already done too much raising for this lifetime. One can imagine how this impacts my ability to keep up with college work. On one hand, I do not know if I would be this far without these circumstances, on the other, I am so tired. I am tired, but I have been used to it for a very long time. Being a first-generation college student to me, means struggling through every day. It means building up the motivation through iron willpower. It means finding energy I do not have. I know in the end; that it will be very rewarding to get my degree.

Being a first-generation college student means I want more from my future than I have received from my past. It means I must fight through every day. It means I have no idea how to relax. It means I am on my own. It means my knowledge, of this world and academically, is of my own, not of a parents’. It means I hope I get to retire early.